I started a list of ‘good things during the Corona Lockdown’ in March, at the beginning of it all. Almost everyday I felt inspired and optimistic. I’ve finished the list now, two months later. Writing it has been a struggle. And it’s the result of a deep dig for joy.
Recently, I’ve been feeling unmotivated. Even getting out of bed in the mornings is more of an effort than it was a month ago. The isolation is taking it’s toll on me. When I’m motivated and cheerful, I find joy and goodness in little things all around me. When I’m down and disenchanted, I struggle to appreciate any of these moments. Gratitude seems far away from inside my bubble of grim conviction.
At the beginning of lockdown I noted these moments with ease…
- Signs of Spring – daffodils and green growth
- Scattered days of Sunshine – hinting of warmer days to come
- A Labrador who has no clue about personal space and wipes his mouth on me after each meal
- Garden birds at the bird feeder in the front garden – tossing out lots of seed before finding the wanted one and flying away with it.
- Finishing my skirt – I’ve been wanting to finishing sewing it or to burn it for years. Finishing it was a huge triumph
- The velux window over my desk – sunshine over my head whilst I’m working from home
- Positive stories about wildlife during lockdown – animals exploring across boundaries usually bustling with people
- How wonderful it will be to see friends after Isolation
- Oscar being sound and happy – trotting home from walks without pain
- Forget me knots growing through the gravel on our driveway
These good things seemed much harder to find…
Now I’ve been isolating for two months I’m definitely longing for people again. I love giving and being given hugs, a zoom call just doesn’t make up for physical proximity. Currently I have a horse, a dog and a chicken of varying degrees of huggableness. So they’re somewhat keeping me going. And I’m grateful for the green space in the village around me. It’s somewhere to escape.
- Sleeping Oscar, curled up in his bed with the days hunt beside him (tennis balls)
- Sunshine on my face when mucking out the field
- Watching episode upon episode of a good boxset – getting lost in old tv series again like Gilmore Girls on Netflix
- chocolate chip cookies fresh from the oven
- Going to Sainsburys and finding lots of organic vegetables left
- Looking at old photos and remembering spontaneous silliness from years before
- Calling Darcy (the last surviving hen) and her running over to see me
- Towel drying Oscar after his wash after he jumped into the muddy lake to retrieve a stick, branch or tree – he beams with joy whilst he’s towel dried
I’m not sure what I’m attempting to achieve…
At the beginning of lockdown, I rode the days cheerfully and optimistically like a surfer catching my chosen waves. More often now, I feel like I’m stuck paddling out against the current. Or worse, like I’ve been smacked in the face by a wash of salty water!
In writing this post, I hope to remember the good moments at times when I’m out of ideas. Hopefully it’ll be a reminder of what I’m grateful for. And in finishing what I started, I’ll at least savour that sense of achievement.
I hope wherever you are, you’re enjoying more cheerful days than challenging days. And if like me, you’re leaning against lethargy and meh’ ness, try to be kind to yourself. Ask yourself what you’d suggest to someone you love, in the same situation. If all you can see for yourself is eating ice cream in front of a Disney movie then bravo, get stuck in. I highly recommend 101 Dalmatians.